Confessions of a One-nighter.

I think I have the mentality of a hoe.

Hear me out.

I actually don't think I mind having a friend with benefits or a one-night stand. Actually I think it is way better than being in an actual relationship.

Think about it.

Sure, relationships are nice or whatever because there's cuddling, gifts, free food, and most of all you actually like the person who's giving it to you but also with downfalls to relationships. You have to deal with arguments, money loss, and feelings (ugh) that could potentially get hurt because no everyone's faithful and/or not everyone's "the one".

Relationships are dreadful. Or what Amy Schumer said, "Monogamy isn't realistic"

Once again this is my opinion and I honestly would rather not spend my life downloading match-making apps, blind dating, or waiting for the one to come along. I atleast want to have fun while I do it.

One-night stands, no strings attach, friends with benefits is soo much easier. Come on who's with me?

No hassle. No expectations. Just good ol' sex.

Maybe romance movies and exes ruined love for me. Maybe I am completely insane. But I would rather not cook for two when I hardly ever feel like cooking for myself. I don't want to have to remember someone else's birthday or wear matching bra and panties just for a special day with my "man". Oh and dude...I hate cuddling. It gets way too hot, we are breathing on each other, I can't move. It's not ideal and definitely not like the movies. Just give me what we both enjoy and go about your day. Deal? Okay maybe it's just me.

I'm not a hoe, people. I just love my body enough to not only share it with one person...I'm not a hoe, people.

Okay sorry that this blog is short and lame but I had to let you guys know what's been on my mind.

Government vs. We the People

WARNING: I may not know a lot about politics but I know right from wrong (my momma taught me).

I can not be the only one who is pissed off with the way our leader(s) or leaders in general are handling things in their country. I may not watch the news every day but I know that violence feels like is rapidly engulfing most countries.

One thing that has been bothering me lately is gun violence.

MY OPINION (everyone is entitled to their's):

I don't think that the government should take away anyone guns, unless, of course you're a bad guy/girl and you are using it for the wrong reasons i.e killing people, theft, or anything that will probably result in prison. While I am on this gun topic I would also like to mention what else is bothering me...why the hell are we not doing mental examinations on people who are registering for their gun license?! It is WAY too easy to get your gun license these day. Not most but most of the shootings that end up on the news all over the worlds ex. school shootings and mass shootings have been from people who have license and a clean criminal record BUT they have been proven to have  mental issues! I understand that people can get guns of the corner of the street these day and that's a problem the government can not fix and I also understand that the government is "in debt" but are we not still spending money? The real question is why are we not spending money on things that can actually help and protect people! I'll tell you why, because the government is selfish! We the People can not continue to rely on rich people who sit in there mansions all day to fix our REAL WORLD problems. They don't have to worry every day about randomly getting shot by a crazed person walking the street. Oh nonono, they only HEAR about stuff like that. These people are considered to be our leaders yet they "help" us when they feel like it mainly on things that aren't going to make much of a difference.

I live in the United States of America, land of the "free", yet I am terrified of sitting in cafeteria because I think someone might walk in with a gun. I am terrified of walking around the city because someone might "snap" and feel like killing random people. Mostly, I am terrified because we have people with the most power doing NOTHING. 

If we are the best country and everyone is coming here to have freedom than why aren't we fixing problems that take our freedom away? I am not saying the we aren't a great country because I know that some countries have it far worse than us but I do know with what is going on, we are no better. 

No one should have to have a title, loads of money, or popularity in order for their voice to be heard. There are more people in this country than the people who have running our government and yet we chose you guys to protect us. Military puts their lives on the line to do the best they can but what about the people with power in our legislative, judicial, and executive branches? I'm not saying that you guys aren't doing anything because I am sure that you are, all I'm saying is that more and better things could get done.

We all need to unite and actually listen to people's every day problems and make this country (my home) a better place because I am tired of not knowing all over what is going on in my country, seeing violence, and being afraid. Decisions should not only be made by higher people but they should be made by citizens. We should be able to have a say in the country in which we live in.

He Is Risen

Yeah I'm sure you can guess what this is about.

The one and the only Jesus Christ.

I grew up Baptist but that is NOT what today's talk is about. I grew up in churches that were predominately African American so I got almost 3 hours of hype music, amazing soul food, and some  good ol' Jesus. I loved it.

I never knew there were churches that had live bands because that was all I knew. I went to visit Arizona and we looked around for churches until we found one and it had a live band! I don't know what it was about this church but everything felt real and not scripted. 

I fell in love.

I felt connected with Christ.

A few months ago I realized that there was a church similar to that one and it was right across the street from me! I finally had the time to go and it was today. Easter Sunday.

As soon as we walked in I think I must've said "Good morning. Happy Easter" a million times, that how friendly everyone was. Not to mention the amazing sermon.

If you are going to a church and you don't feel moved by the sermon or the music. You have the wrong church.

Long story short that church was amazing.

Now about God.

You may skip this blog if this does not interest you. But ya'll...can I just start by saying God is good? I haven't been the best at conversing with God when I should have been, staying connected, or staying in church. A few months ago I realized holy crap what have I been doing with my life? I am not handling it the way I should be. I need to put my life back into the hands of the person that gave us all life. God. I kept trying to play 'Queen' in my life then wanting God to take over when I couldn't handle it. When I should've just left it to him considering he knows my past, present, and future. He knows what I'm going to do before I even do it!  I was stopping God from doing his job. Thankfully he forgave me and I know I took advantage of that way more than I should have and I am so grateful that he never stopped blessing me and he will never stop blessing YOU. 

Don't give up on him because he hasn't and will never give up on you.

Don't only live for him behind closed doors when he died for you publicly. He hears you EVERYWHERE.

Don't just say you're a Christian, live like it!

Masculinity/Femininity

Okay, quick joke. Every time I try to say femininity I feel as if I sound like Nemo trying to say "anemones" (lol), cracks me up every time.

Story time.

So last Wednesday I finally decided to go grocery shopping and while I was walking down the aisle I see this couple, I gathered he was athletic by the workout clothes he was wearing, she was the opposite but it didn't take away from how gorgeous she was. I thought what they had was cute just like any other couple I see. I ignored it and continued to shop. Another guy who was roughly just as built as her boyfriend follows up behind me, clearly seeing what I chose to ignore, and whispered to me "Doesn't stuff like this bother you?", I'm looking at the canned goods thinking "I know right! I hate how they stack these cans!" while I nod in agreement, he says "Why be with someone that's just going to bring you down. Us bros need to stick together. I'm gonna say something". I am soooo confused at this point. I'm thinking this overly friendly guy is going to go complain to the manager about these stacked cans and before I can even get my words out to stop what I thought were idiotic actions I see him walk over to the couple and makes the rudest (is that a word?) remark ever! He goes.."Is the food really that good?" as he BODY CHECKS this guy's girlfriend! The other guy smirks clearly clueless to what this other guy is talking about but little does he know us women catch on...fast. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't as angry as this woman after I got done being shocked. She looks back at this guy and goes "Excuse me?" and of course he's ignorant enough to repeat himself and also add "How do you live with yourself knowing your man works to look good for you and he gets nothing in return...physically".

I'm going to stop the story right there.

Mentally raise your hand if you're a girl and you are tired of being told how to act, how to look, and what to do just to get a guys attention.

Guys mentally raise your hand if you're tired of being told them same thing.

CAUSE THIS HAS TO STOP!

Shockingly, this starts off when you're a kid. We are all victims of telling little girls to wear dresses to church or making funny faces when a little boy picks out a Barbie. We were also told as kids to not sit a certain way if you're a girl or to not cry if you're a boy.

This is basically an epidemic that desperately needs a cure.

Its honestly grinding my gears (grandma slang activated) that so many kids are holding back from being there true selves because they grow up in this society.

Media is no help whatsoever.

Strong jawline, bombshell blondes, makeup commercial only featuring women, truck commercials on featuring men, etc..

Time to be realistic.

Time for a change.

Identity Crisis

Growing up it was pretty easy for me to know what I wanted to do whether I wanted to be a fairy, candy striper, or Virgin Mary--hell, I knew! and no one could change my mind because I was little and in my little eyeballs I had big dreams and I thought I could change the world.

Reality hit...hard.

I got into middle school and I hated every second of it. Waking up early, getting dressed (what a drag), and the worse part was I had to actually socialize with people to make it (ew).

I think this is when my identity crisis really hit.

Everyone knew you had to have a clique in school. You just have to.

Whether you were the Pokemon card fanatics, the "every day is wear black day" clique, wall flowers, or the social butterflies that just so happened to be popular. You had a clique.

To me this was a race I knew I would fail miserably at. I was literally friends with someone from every clique.

High school was no different--actually, I lied. It was like middle school but twenty times worse. Puberty hit and looks got you hella far. Remember those cliques from middle school? Oh yeah, everyone changed. Wallflower Tim just so happened to be really good at wrestling and now he is classified as a jock and all the ladies love him. Bookworm Megan lost weight and all of her acne now shes a cheerleader with boobs?!? My friends were now people they promised they wouldn't be. People were now people you don't know how they became. I'm confused. I'm lost. Where do I even begin?

You know that infamous qoute "fake it til you make it"?. Oh yeah, that was me. That was soooo me. I had a different personality towards everyone and honestly it was exhausting but it was the only way I knew how to survive

Now I'm in college and I still have problems replying to "So, tell me about yourself" but maybe that's just because I'm not being told to be something or someone in order to "fit in".

My identity crisis is no longer about who I have trouble being but it is now about figuring out who I really am.

I think I'm okay with that.

13 Reasons Why Not

Am I the only one who's completely shocked about how fast this generation is running to suicide? 

I'm not going to rant on and on about how suicide is not the answer because you know that, everyone knows that. 

We are a world that strives on quick fixes. Sadly, suicide is one. 

Instead of giving you reasons on why you should, I'd rather give you reasons on why you shouldn't...without the bible verses and google searched "feel good" quotes. 

I do not know your life, what you go through, how certain things make you feel but I strongly believe I relate to maybe a QUARTER of what you're going through. 

I'm going to just let you have it. 

Suicide is stupid. Suicide is painful. Suicide is selfish. 

Once again, my opinion. Honestly, I'd rather binge on food and Netflix than spend hours planning my "grand escape" from life.

Popular ways on how to leave the shitty world you were born into: slitting your wrist in a bubble bath, hanging from a rope using your neck, experimenting with mom's pills. 

Maybe it is just me but that shit is time consuming and frankly, I totally forget about the people who make my life a living hell by simply thinking about the stuff I would have to go through so that I wont have to deal with them. They. Are. Not. Worth. It.

I don't want to be the prude that says "find a hobby" but dude..dudette, come on, find a hobby.

Shit sucks, trust me I know. Depression is a thing.

Do you really want to off yourself without knowing what spelunking is? or finding out that escargot is actually a food?! 

Basically what I'm trying to say is what you are going through is temporary. Everything is temporary. It'll get better. It probably wont. But then again it probably will. 

Shit takes time. Be patient. 

Anger Favorite Flavor.

I had a test today. 

Unlike most people it doesn't matter how hard I study for this test..actually it doesn't matter if I think I know everything and choose not to study at all. I do know that once that white skinny packet lands on my desk my brain becomes a newborn baby's and I don't even know what letters and numbers are.

I'm not the smartest person but I know that I have the knowledge to get me far but for some reason we have to get tested on that knowledge and test are not my forte. 

If I have to be tested on my knowledge in order to have a successful life...I fail at life. Once I get to that point in my mind that I know nothing on this test packet my only way to cope is anger..then food, always food.

Anger is my main problem. 

It doesn't matter how close we are or how much I absolutely adore you cause once I'm angry, I'm angry at you because my brain wants YOU to know why I'm angry and I expect you to fix it. But you don't know and you can't fix something you don't know. My random words filled with anger hits you and you don't know how to handle it which makes me feel as if I automatically win at something. I failed my test but I won at making you feel like shit. Which isn't a test but in my mind it's close enough and it makes me feel better. I'll apologize later but if I'm lucky you'll understand and stay in my life. I'll agree and lie about working on my anger. Repeat..