Unlike most people it doesn't matter how hard I study for this test..actually it doesn't matter if I think I know everything and choose not to study at all. I do know that once that white skinny packet lands on my desk my brain becomes a newborn baby's and I don't even know what letters and numbers are.
I'm not the smartest person but I know that I have the knowledge to get me far but for some reason we have to get tested on that knowledge and test are not my forte.
If I have to be tested on my knowledge in order to have a successful life...I fail at life. Once I get to that point in my mind that I know nothing on this test packet my only way to cope is anger..then food, always food.
Anger is my main problem.
It doesn't matter how close we are or how much I absolutely adore you cause once I'm angry, I'm angry at you because my brain wants YOU to know why I'm angry and I expect you to fix it. But you don't know and you can't fix something you don't know. My random words filled with anger hits you and you don't know how to handle it which makes me feel as if I automatically win at something. I failed my test but I won at making you feel like shit. Which isn't a test but in my mind it's close enough and it makes me feel better. I'll apologize later but if I'm lucky you'll understand and stay in my life. I'll agree and lie about working on my anger. Repeat..
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