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Growing up it was pretty easy for me to know what I wanted to do whether I wanted to be a fairy, candy striper, or Virgin Mary--hell, I knew! and no one could change my mind because I was little and in my little eyeballs I had big dreams and I thought I could change the world.
I got into middle school and I hated every second of it. Waking up early, getting dressed (what a drag), and the worse part was I had to actually socialize with people to make it (ew).
I think this is when my identity crisis really hit.
Everyone knew you had to have a clique in school. You just have to.
Whether you were the Pokemon card fanatics, the "every day is wear black day" clique, wall flowers, or the social butterflies that just so happened to be popular. You had a clique.
To me this was a race I knew I would fail miserably at. I was literally friends with someone from every clique.
High school was no different--actually, I lied. It was like middle school but twenty times worse. Puberty hit and looks got you hella far. Remember those cliques from middle school? Oh yeah, everyone changed. Wallflower Tim just so happened to be really good at wrestling and now he is classified as a jock and all the ladies love him. Bookworm Megan lost weight and all of her acne now shes a cheerleader with boobs?!? My friends were now people they promised they wouldn't be. People were now people you don't know how they became. I'm confused. I'm lost. Where do I even begin?
You know that infamous qoute "fake it til you make it"?. Oh yeah, that was me. That was soooo me. I had a different personality towards everyone and honestly it was exhausting but it was the only way I knew how to survive
Now I'm in college and I still have problems replying to "So, tell me about yourself" but maybe that's just because I'm not being told to be something or someone in order to "fit in".
My identity crisis is no longer about who I have trouble being but it is now about figuring out who I really am.
I think I'm okay with that.