Looking back at my past I've realized that most problems really come when you are child, growing up. We don't realize it because obviously at that time the last thing I am worried about is the big "WHY?" and how I felt, I just got over it. Now that I am older I start to really pinpoint things, learn, and understand why things are happening. Another thing I have grown to realize is that everyone gets affected in a different way solely because everyone has a different point of view from the same story.
Now I'm not going to go on and on about my childhood because all though it wasn't as perfect to me, the person reading this has probably been through way worse so for once...I will not be complaining. (BOOO! right?)
This is about to get reeeeal godly, so if ya ain't religious !SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH! but if you are a curious kitten like me, read it. These are the things one mustn't regret doing. Moving on..
So I haven't been going to church, talking to God, etc. (anything christian-like you can think of) as much as I should. Every week I try to dip my toe into the "religious scene" (that sounded lame) and get closer to God by just pulling up a sermon from my newly favorite church's website Freedom Church (checkem out) the one I listened to was called "Circles" it is a 3 part sermon. Highly recommend. Anyway, I was really just listening to the word, relating to it, and just simply living off of it. He talked the story of Samuel (I don't know much about the bible cut me some slack). I'm not going to tell the whole story but parts that really stuck out to me. Basically the first chapter of this story it talks about Saul losing his family's donkeys and having to go look for them. Walking for hours in what feels like circles, one of his friends say "Yo I know this one guy name Samuel, he knows the future, maybe he can help direct us to get your donkeys" (not in those words, mine are slightly cooler). So they go to Samuel in hope that he would direct them to the missing donkeys but instead Samuel tells Saul "The Lord has appointed you and you will now be the King of Israel". Long story short- Saul goes home and tells his people like any other person would do, they go to the person they love the most and tell them what they feel is good, happy, important news in hope to encourage him. Instead of getting the congrats and hugs he expected, no one believed in him. No one thought that he could do what he was chosen to do. Because everyone he knew and loved saw him as a loser, saw him as someone with not much ahead of him. They despised and rejected Saul. Instead of retaliation, argument, or proof that he is in fact now a King, Saul lowered his head and said NOTHING.
This story made me realized that it doesn't matter what happens in your life there will always be those people you care about so so much about that will never want to see greatness in or for you. There will always be those people who will try to bring you down when you feel like you've hit that moment in your life where nothing can touch you and you are in full bliss. They will always want to pull you "back to reality", back to where they are in their sad lives. There will always be someone that finds the need to remind you about your mistakes but won't acknowledge your achievements.
We must understand that these people that see you as that loser, that emotional unstable person, problematic kid, that addict, etc is because that's all they know you as. They don't know how far you've gone to get where you are, how many tears you've cried, the mental and physical changes that happened. They only know you as your past. They only know you as the "mental screenshot" they took when you left for your journey.
You can take this blog any way you want whether it be "don't just the book by its cover" or whatever but the main focus I want to get across is no matter how hard we have to look and search for that acceptance and love from other things the main root of your problem will always be where it started. Because whether you see it or not all you really wanted was that acceptance from that one person or that one thing for once. All you wanted was a small piece of hope or "good job" from that one person that never gave it to you. That is a void that you can cover up with anything you can think of but you will never actually fill until you get it from where it all started. Your past doesn't make you who are but it definitely helps you realize who you want to be because of it, you may have done great things in your life, you may haven't done that well but it all starts with that void you want to fill or that void you've been trying to cover up with good or bad things in hope to forget. You can't because it will eat at you until you talk about it with them, understand, and grow from it.
Your past = Your foundation.
There is no change without action.
Talk. Forgive. Never forget. Move on. Grow.
